I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
