I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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