Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We got so high we made milksteak
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
