Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
