why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
