so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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