When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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