i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
