I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had sex on a roof
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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