somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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