Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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