Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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