okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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