The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
