Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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