the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
