The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
