I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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