i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
