he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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