DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
