I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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