I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
