dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
