Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
