Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
