just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
