We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
