My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
