we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
