Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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