I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
