Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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