I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
