Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
