I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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