listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
