i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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