She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
