You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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