new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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