cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
