i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
