My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
