Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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