He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Mom said you looked used
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
