Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
