Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
