I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have already put on my inside pants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
