Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
