hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
