Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
