The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
