So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
