I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
