My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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