His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
