wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
