Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
