I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
