So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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