omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
