What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
