DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
