made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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