Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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