I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
