Your tits are I can't wait for
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize