Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
