Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
