did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
