Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
