im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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