I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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