Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
