Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
