I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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