but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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