I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
