My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
