I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
