ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.