she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.