I faked an abortion last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye