i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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