I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
