Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.