We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"