we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.