how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
