So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
