yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
