there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
